Posts Tagged ‘lists’

Things I’ve Learned About Living

1. Get a Penguin suit. Use it for tummy tobogganing.
2. Record the penguin expeditions for posterity.
3.3 is a mystical number in pretty much every culture.
4. If it’s sunny, go lie out in it in a peaceful place and just try to find a balance.
5. Sneak up on your friends as frequently as possible.
6. Go to karaoke with friends or family. If you’re good, bask in it. If you’re bad, make the world suffer with you. Or just sing Baby Got Back. It’s a classic.
7. Yes, things are easier for prettier people. Life’s tough all over.
8. Climb trees. You are never too old, and the people pointing are just jealous.
9. Embarrassment is something to be beaten black and blue and buried. It is never a reason to chicken out.
10. Question everything. Always.
11. Just because it works for someone else, doesn’t mean it will or can for you. Never let a persuasive person convince you their way is best, when you know damn well your way works just as well.
12. NEVER try to change a person. Change has to come from within.
13. That being said, don’t let others change who you are without your permission.
14. Kindness is more important than pride.
15. Hugging is good for the soul.
16. A little bitchiness now and then is also good for the soul.
17. Don’t mistake having a backbone for being a bitch. Don’t mistake being a bitch for a completely bad thing.
18. Go with your gut. Think about it thoroughly, but your mind can change. The gut will never go away.
19. Don’t get married too young.
20. Don’t assume that failed relationships are someone’s fault.
21. The meek generally don’t inherit anything.
22. If you are constantly picking battles, people will generally laugh at your war.
23. Forgiveness is essential, both because it makes you a better person and is necessary in any relationship, but also because we all have to forgive ourselves at some point.
24. Don’t be rude. Unless someone is REALLY asking for it. Then it’s cathartic.
25. Fathers can also be best friends.
26. Taking yourself seriously isn’t funny. Laughing at yourself is far more entertaining.
27. Blog posts are a way of procrastinating.
28. Procrastinating is healthy is small doses. I never do it in small doses.
29. Everyone is fighting their own private battle.
30. But that doesn’t mean they get to be a bitch about it.
31. Take long walks at night. Full moons are the best.
32. When walking in the woods, ditch the path.
33. Drive with the windows down and your music blaring.
34. Never let me park your car.
35. Read things on You’ll feel wiser.
36. Money IS important, but only at a very basic level.
37. Be aware of double standards. Especially your own.
38. If you’re bored and you have a computer, go to Search for ideas on ridiculous things to do.
39. Love is far more important than pride, but pride should not be a victim of love.
40. Everyone has their own stupid tv show they love to watch, and their own awful book they like to read.
41. Twilight really is an awful book.
42. Sexual innuendos have their time and place.
43. Sexual innuendos are generally far funnier when out of their time and place.
44. If you are easily offended, you will spend most of your life angry and sad.
45. PMS is not an excuse to act like a jerk. It is an excuse to eat tons of chocolate.
46. Be ridiculous. You’ll have more interesting friends.
47. Go to bad horror movies strictly to mock them.
48. Don’t hedge your words worrying you will offend someone. You’ll carry around more regret than you realize.
49. Play pranks.
50. Do NOT fake a heart attack on your ten year old daughter. She will plan revenge.
51. Romantic comedies and romance movies generally display unhealthy relationship. They should thus be mocked with all the energy you can muster.
52. People’s language really has deteriorated.
53. The far right is annoying.
54. The far left is annoying.
55. Sometimes you have to fight for what you believe in. More often, you have to take a deep breath and endure.
56. Nobody feels like the popular, pretty, funny one.
57. I do not need another person to complete me.
58. Black hair dye does not come out. At least it hasn’t yet.
59. Reading extensively is the best way to develop a good vocabulary.
60. Ignore people who use hyperbole.
61. Everyone uses hyperbole.
62. A little cleavage can get you a free drink, a discount, but it also gets you 70 cents to a man’s dollar, and a hand wrapped tightly around your pepper spray on dark streets.
63. “isms” of any kind should be well-researched, well thought-out but little adhered to.
64. Movies about homosexuality will be boycotted by religious sects. Jackass will be made into a 3-D feature.
65. Buy flowers for yourself.
66. Humiliation is harder to forgive than pain.
67. Tea eases headaches, sore throat, and anxiety. It should be steeped properly.
68. My autistic brother might just be happier than I am.
69. I found out what 69 means in high school. According to the movie Everything Is Illuminated, it is also called a premium year for lesbians.
70. If it’s truly POURING rain, remove your shirt and go running in it. Bring friends.
71. Okay, I’m out of shit to list.